Torture

This post is absolutely void of political correctness.
It will most likely offend some people. Tough!

There's a lot of talk/questions these days about torture. Should we do it? What defines torture? Is it effective? I have never been in the military, so from that perspective, I cannot speak from first-hand experience...much like most of the people that are asking all the stupid questions. But, here's how I see it, and like I already warned you, it ain't pretty.

The UN (not a fan, but their definition works for me) defines torture as:

Any act by which severe pain or suffering, whether physical or mental, is intentionally inflicted on a person for such purposes as obtaining from him or a third person information or a confession, punishing him for an act he or a third person has committed or is suspected of having committed, or intimidating or coercing him or a third person, or for any reason based on discrimination of any kind, when such pain or suffering is inflicted by or at the instigation of or with the consent or acquiescence of a public official or other person acting in an official capacity. (Source)

In the case of war, whether against another country or organized group of terrorists (Al-Queda isn't a country with an official army, so I'm not so sure I'd afford them much to begin with):

1. If we capture a run-of-the-mill-soldier, I say treat them decently. A couple of meals a day, a place to sleep--nothing fancy, and medical attention if needed. They don't need a country club; we reserve that luxury for convicted rapists, murderers, child molesters, and politicians in our own prisons.
2. If we capture a known terrorist leader or commander of an army that has--what we believe to be--crucial information that could ultimately save American lives, stake them naked, spread eagle to the top of a fire ant hill and alternately poke them in the eyes with lit cigarettes and waterboard the dog snot out of them!!! Once we get the information we need, smear their sorry butts with honey, and unleash the three black bears that have not been fed for a week, that were conveniently brought in to "witness" the interrogation. Post the video on YouTube for good measure.

For those that would scream--"my gosh, you are sick/cruel/[fill-in-adjective here]," let me just say: You are right. That is sick and cruel, but "nice" doesn't seem to be working all that well. It's war. It's ugly.

The problem with Americans is that we are too stinking nice in war. Even more so in the way we deal with criminals and/or those who don't seem to think the rules apply to them. Case in point: remember the name Michael Faye? I'll give you a minute...

Michael Faye is the snot-nosed American brat that was caned in Singapore in 1994 for vandalism. Haven't seen his name in the papers recently, have you? Know why? HIS BUTT STILL HURTS!!!! See, a little pain goes a long way, and I bet little Michael doesn't get his jollies tagging cars anymore.