A Little More Time

We moved our youngest son into his apartment at college this weekend. All of his worldly possessions were neatly packed into boxes. His books, iMac, TV, CDs/DVDs, electric guitar, clothes, a few pots and pans, toiletries, and a hand-me-down bookcase case were all loaded into two vehicles for the short drive. He's attending a college within half an hour's distance, but the program he's in requires he live on campus the first year.

Our oldest son moved out a couple of months ago, but due to the economy and severe cuts in his hours at work, he moved BACK home this weekend. He has one year of college left and hopes to get married next summer, so he decided it would be better to be somewhere a little cheaper (free rent) so he can save some money. I'm good with it.

At the end of the emotional day--on several levels--I was thinking how fast the last 20+ years had flown by and how things were going to be quite a bit different. The youngest will come home most weekends; how much we'll see of him during that time is still up for debate. The oldest already had a pattern of coming and going as he pleased before he left, and I'm sure that's how it will be now. They don't depend on us near as much as they used to. They have grown up; they have very distinct personalities, talents, beliefs, etc. They are--and have been for a while--pretty independent fellas. They are both quite talented musically. Both of them have a warped/unique sense of humor (don't know where they got THAT!), and they inherited the "height" gene that apparently missed their mother and I.

We're proud of them both. The youngest told us once: "You guys got off easy," and you know what? He's right. Both of them have participated in their share of mischievous acts, but for the most part, they have been really "good kids"...now young men.

Yep. It'll be different not having them both around all the time. Not hearing them laughing in their rooms at some stupid video or post they've read on the internet. It will be quieter; it could become a little unnerving when they both broke out the guitars and keyboards and began playing...in two separate rooms and two completely different tunes!!! I'll miss having them come into the living room, paying no attention to what's going on and immediately just start talking, reading something THEY think is funny, or playing a new tune they've figured out without any regard for the fact their mother and I are in the middle of a conversation or trying to watch something on TV.

I'll miss waiting on them to show up for dinner on time. I'll miss telling them for the 1 millionth time to "pick that crap up and put it in your room." I'll miss hearing them say: "Mom, I'm gonna be in college and you won't know what I'm doing all the time there. Why do I have to text you, now?" There are lots of other things I'll miss, but you get the point.

I'm also going to miss the things I wanted to do with them, but never got around to. I got busy, they got busy. We didn't have the money. We didn't have the time. The oldest and I planned on riding Oklahoma FreeWheel together, but it never happened. I planned on taking them both white-water rafting. I planned on taking them both deep-sea fishing. I planned on us renting an RV and just getting away for a week. I wanted to take them to a Shepherds' Conference. I meant to spend more time with them, doing things they enjoyed, talking about all kinds of things, picking their brains, giving them some "fatherly advice." I meant to do all that stuff and more...but it didn't happen.

I wish I'd had a little more time...

I did what I could within the time I had, and all-in-all, they didn't turn out bad. They don't seem to be too upset about the things we didn't do, so just maybe, things will be alright. And you know what, God willing, we still may get the opportunity to do some of those things...as long as it doesn't interfere with school!

Graduation?

I'll just warn you from the beginning: I'm probably going to tick a few people off with this post.

I recently saw a news story where a mother had gone back to school and earned her Bachelor's degree. She was obviously excited about that achievement in her life, and rightly so. However, her celebration was short lived when she learned her graduation ceremony fell on the same day as her son's. She was now faced with a decision: attend her own graduation and miss her son's or miss her own graduation and be there to see her only son cross the stage to receive his diploma. She made the decision to attend her son's graduation...his KINDERGARTEN GRADUATION where they both were their cap and gowns!!!

I have two sons, one in college--the other headed there this Fall. I am very proud of them. They are both very intelligent; both scored low 30s on their High School ACTs and both had 3.5+ GPAs. The youngest will be attending college on a full-ride, academic scholarship. But, one thing they never did was "graduate" from kindergarten.

I'm sorry, but I think Kindergarten Graduation is just silly. And it doesn't stop there--there's Sixth Grade Graduation, the Sixth Grade Spring Dance (Prom), the Eighth Grade Spring Dance (Prom), the Junior/Senior Prom, and finally High School Graduation. Seriously, by the time a kid actually graduates from High School, it's become old hat. None of the things we used to look forward to as kids (I'm talking back in the 70s) are any big deal today. Nothing special.

What is it with us as a society? Why can't we wait to experience certain special events? "It's cute! They look like the big kids," some will say. Buffalo bagels, I say! Most of them won't even remember it.

Kids grow up fast enough as it is. And, frankly, they don't need to "graduate" from every stinkin' grade they pass. What's wrong with having just one or two special formal/type events IN YOUR ENTIRE schooling, i.e grades K-12? What in the world is there to look forward to if it's a yearly event?

I was talking with an individual the other who volunteered at a clinic some time ago. She said they actually had an ELEVEN-YEAR-OLD come in for a pregnancy test...and she was!!!
(It wasn't a case of rape or incest, either) Let that harsh reality sink in for a moment.

We push our children to grow up too fast. Consequently, they sometimes do "grown-up things" (like get pregnant at 11) and then we're all upset, wringing our hands, hollering "how did this happen?!" I'm not saying that every kid that goes through Kindergarten Graduation is going to get pregnant, but you know what, maybe if we just let kids be kids and quit dressing our grade-school daughters like two-dollar hookers, maybe...just maybe, we'd be dealing with fewer situations like the 11-year-old Mommies.

Growing Up Too Fast

WARNING : I've been thinking about this post for a while. Recent conversations/events have prompted me to "put my thoughts on paper." If I upset you --which I've been known to do-- just add this to the growing list.

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Is it just me or does our society have some kind of fixation with wanting kids to grow up...as fast as possible? When I was a kid, many moons ago, we looked forward to certain milestones: the Junior/Senior Prom and Senior Graduation for instance. Today, there's Kindergarten Graduation, Fifth Grade Graduation, Eighth Grade Graduation, and finally, Senior Graduation. I only graduated once. I'm pretty sure it "took" that one time.

We also have the Sixth Grade Dance, the...oh, heck--just Slap-A-Grade-In-Front-Of-It Dance or Formal and that should cover it. I even heard about some kids that arrived at their Eighth Grade Dance in a LIMO! Getting to go to the Junior/Senior Prom was a big deal at our school. And you had to be a Junior or Senior to attend. I went both years...had a blast.

Then you've got stuff like beauty pagaents for little kids. Parents dress them up in adult looking clothes, complete with adult looking makeup. Since when was a three or four-year-old dressed up/made up like a two dollar hooker or a 30-year-old model considered CUTE?! Actually, I've seen some teens that look like that, too. And while I'm at it, I'm really wondering what parents are thinking when they let their daughters leave the house with their bra straps hanging out, their cleavage pushed out, and their low-rise jeans emblazoned with some catchy phrase or logo across their backside? (NOTE: Our pastor said recently, "If it's not for sale, rent or lease...dont' be advertising it." Makes sense to me.)

What's wrong with kids just being kids? They grow up fast enough as it is. And, frankly, they don't need to "graduate" from every stinkin' grade they pass. What's wrong with having just one or two special formal/type events IN YOUR ENTIRE schooling, i.e grades K-12. What in the world is there to look forward to if it's a yearly event? And I'm not advocating everyone dress like June or Ward Cleaver, but for crying out loud---PUT SOME CLOTHES ON! I'm tired of seeing your underwear.

Funny thing is, we have our kids growing up, looking like grownups, dressing like grownups, attending all of these "grownup" type events...then we get upset when they do something "grownup" like [fill in adult behavior here]. I think we're sending some mixed signals here.