I'm Not Dead! / Friday Photos

I was thinking about the fact that I turn 50 next year (March), which--for whatever reason--made me think of the scene from Monty Python and the Holy Grail:

Bring out your dead
[clang]
Bring out your dead!
[cough cough...]
[clang]
[...cough cough]
Bring out your dead!
[clang]
Bring out your dead!
[clang]
Bring out your dead! Ninepence.
[clang]
Bring out your dead!
[clang]
Bring out your dead!
[clang]
Bring out...
[rewr!]
...your dead!
[rewr!]
[clang]
Bring out your dead!
CUSTOMER: Here's one.
CART MASTER: Ninepence.
DEAD PERSON: I'm not dead!
CART MASTER: What?
CUSTOMER: Nothing. Here's your ninepence.
DEAD PERSON: I'm not dead!
CART MASTER: 'Ere. He says he's not dead!
CUSTOMER: Yes, he is.
DEAD PERSON: I'm not!
CART MASTER: He isn't?
CUSTOMER: Well, he will be soon. He's very ill.
DEAD PERSON: I'm getting better!
CUSTOMER: No, you're not. You'll be stone dead in a moment.
CART MASTER: Oh, I can't take him like that. It's against regulations.
DEAD PERSON: I don't want to go on the cart!
CUSTOMER: Oh, don't be such a baby.
CART MASTER: I can't take him.
DEAD PERSON: I feel fine!
CUSTOMER: Well, do us a favour.
CART MASTER: I can't.
CUSTOMER: Well, can you hang around a couple of minutes? He won't be long.
CART MASTER: No, I've got to go to the Robinsons'. They've lost nine today.
CUSTOMER: Well, when's your next round?
CART MASTER: Thursday.
DEAD PERSON: I think I'll go for a walk.
CUSTOMER: You're not fooling anyone, you know. Look. Isn't there something you can do?
DEAD PERSON: [singing] I feel happy. I feel happy.
[whop]
CUSTOMER: Ah, thanks very much.
CART MASTER: Not at all. See you on Thursday.

My boys say "you're old," which I'm sure they believe. I remember being a teenager and thinking that 30 and 40-year-olds were ancient. Now, here I sit...I graduated from college 30 years ago, my hair is thin/falling out, my beard is WHITE, my gut is protruding and sagging. Yep. I'm getting older--but I'm not dead yet! I think I've got a few more good years in me.

Speaking of being "old," my wife and I did one of those "old people" things last weekend (maybe that's why I'm thinking about age). We went for a drive along "scenic 412" here in northeastern Oklahoma. The leaves had started changing about a week ago, and that area typically has some beautiful trees. So...we took off after Sunday School and drove over to Siloam Springs, AR, ate lunch, and looked at all the fall colors.

On our way home, we stopped at Natural Falls State Park. I wasn't able to get any good pictures of the waterfall; my camera has a limited apeture and it was in the middle of the day which was not a good time for trying to get that "foggy" waterfall look. Anyway, it was nice just to get out of the house, spend some time together--UNINTERRUPTED--and not hearing someone say: "You're old!"

Friday Photos

A Non-Biblical Defense

If you can't make your case from Scripture, just use crude language. It may not make your point, but it will certainly catch people's attention. WARNING: Very crude language for a supposedly "Christian blog."

Apparently, some of these guys (another Christian blog) think the "favorite song" is appropriate. I look forward to hearing how they work it in to a Sunday morning sermon.

PS: Todd (you know who you are), I tagged this one "blasphemy" just for you.

Let It Be...Christmas?

Granger Community Church (Granger IN) recently announced a new sermon series entitled Let It Be...Christmas, obviously based on the Beatles album. They are sending out mailers announcing the series. I took the liberty of creating some additional artwork for them, just in case they're interested (see below). I put an elf hat on John Lennon because he really doesn't believe in anything that's real (except that he was more popular than Jesus)...although Santa Claus isn't all that real either. Anyway--thanks to Slice of Laodicea for the heads up.

You can probably guess where I am on this one.

Kingdom Equality / Ridin' the Pine

Kingdom Equality
We are going through the Gospel of Matthew in our Sunday School at a rapid pace--11 weeks and we're already at the "triumphal entry", the week of Jesus' death. This Sunday, we're focusing on chapter 20, verses 1-16. In this section, Jesus tells the parable of a landowner that hired many laborers to work in his vineyard. He hired some early in the morning, some at midday, and still some only an hour before the workday ended. At the end of the day, he had the foreman pay the workers, beginning with those hired last...and the astonishing thing was: HE PAID THEM ALL THE SAME WAGE! Whether they worked a full 12-hour day or one hour, each man received the same pay.

The workers that had put in a full day didn't think this was fair.

"These last men have worked only one hour, and you have made them equal to us who have borne the burden and the scorching heat of the day." But [the landowner] answered and said to one of them, "Friend, I am doing you no wrong; did you not agree with me for a denarius? Take what is yours and go, but I wish to give to this last man the same as to you. Is it not lawful for me to do what I wish with what is my own? Or is your eye envious because I am generous ?"

We're like the all-day workers sometimes. We get it in our heads that because we've been serving in the church longer or have been a Christian longer than others, somehow God owes us more. We forget that God doesn't think or operate the way we think He should (Isaiah 55:8). We fail to remember that EVERY person who comes to faith in Jesus Christ recieves the same salvation. An individual's "tenure" is irrelevant for receiving God's grace/salvation. John MacArthur put it this way:

Believing tax collectors, prostitutes, criminals and social outcasts will have the same heavenly residence as Paul, Augustine, Luther and Wesley. There are no servants quarters or lower class neighborhoods in heaven. Everyone will have a room in the Father's house, specially prepared for him by the Son. (MacArthur Commentary, Pg 215)

Some things to remember (from MacArthur's Commentary):

• God and God alone accomplishes salvation. He does the seeking after the laborers.
• Salvation is on God's terms. The laborers don't negotiate their wage.
• God continues to call men to His kingdom (labor).
• God redeems everyone who is willing...even those who come late.
• Everyone who came to the vineyard worked.
• All who wanted to work were hired and at the end of the day, there was no shortage of funds to pay each one the full amount. (God's resources never run out).
• God always gives more than is deserved.

Ridin' the Pine
My youngest son mows his grandparents yard on Saturdays. Most weekends, I'll get up and drive him to their home (they still live in the town where my wife and I grew up--about 8 miles from where we now live). I drop him off and go on about my Saturday; my oldest son or my wife picks him up when he is finished. Today was the last mowing day, so I dropped him off--and having nothing else to do--I drove around town taking pictures.

I ended up at the City Park, in particular, the ballfield where I played Little League baseball. A lot has changed in 40+ years. They've rebuilt the dugouts, put concrete where there used to be grass behind the backstop and replaced the old wooden bleachers with metal ones. But it's the same field.

I wasn't that good, but I loved the game; I loved wearing the uniform; I loved the smell of the freshly mowed outfield and the raked dirt infield. I sat on the bench (rode the pine) more than I played, but I loved being part of the team. I loved it when we won and we'd pile in the back of one of the dad's pickups (that was before bike helmets, shin guards, knee pads, child seats, etc.) and we'd chant--all the way to the "Cardinal Dairy Dip"--at the TOP of our lungs: "We won by golly, we won!!!"

You can't beat the memory of Little League baseball.

Patriotism = White Crap?

I salute the flag. I say the "Pledge of Allegiance." I stand at attention and sing the national athem--loudly--including the high notes. In spite of all the things that are wrong with America, it's still a great place to live. There's a guy down the street from our shop that seems to think so, too. He took several days and painted his privacy fence red, white and blue. Then some knucklehead came along, decided the paint job was lacking and added his own, personal touch (opinion) to the fence. I guess it's now considered racist to be patriotic.

flickr: Friday Photo Group

Hot Church

According to this video (it's real), the way to determine if your church is "hot" and doesn't s**k :

• The pastor is good looking
• The pastor can play ball
• The pastor's wife "is too hot for him to have."
• YOU can find a "hot wife!"

Thanks to A Little Leaven for the video link.

Jesus came to seek and find a really hot wife. -- First Emergent 3:16 (from the New We Do Church More Relevant Than You version. Coming to a bookstore near you.)

Self-Serving Missional Post

This post appeared on the Christian Research Network (CRN) this past weekend. Seems a church in Kentucky is encouraging its members to "send letters of love and support to troubled pop star Britney Spears, described by the pastor as having made 'devastating life choices.'" You can read the entire news article here.

I don't doubt for a minute that Ms. Spears needs, not only love and support, but more importantly, salvation. Her bizarre lifestyle of late also indicates she probably could have used a little more parental oversight during her growing up years...and maybe the "rod of discipline" applied to her "seat of knowledge" a little more often.

That said, I think the church in question is using Britney's latest media grabbing antics as nothing more than a publicity stunt themselves. As others have already asked, and I tend to agree: Would the church be so quick to offer their "love and support" to someone less famous? Are there not any young adults in their area making some of the same bad choices as Britney?

Whatever the church's reason, CRN's decision to question their motives has raised the ire of the contributors to this website, whose sole purpose appears to be critcizing most anything and everything CRN posts. They refer to CRN as a "watchdoggie" site. That's kinda funny. They are the "watchdog" for the "watchdog."

The bottom line, I'm looking for a few more hits on my blog myself, so I've purposely included "britney" in the tags for this post. I wonder if there is a "watchdog" watching me?

Friday Photos

This is a really busy day, so I don't have much time to write. This time last week, my two sons and I were in Cleveland OH, visiting the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and Museum. We stayed at the Radisson Hotel downtown--hence, the first picture.

The second photo was taken in the Dallas/Ft Worth airport. My youngest son was amazed (I was too, actually) that they had a vending machine for iPods. Obviously, people are actually buying stuff from the machine--there were several empty bins.

flickr: Friday Photo Group

Jobs Americans Won't Do

From SanDiego.com, is this another example of "immigrants doing jobs Americans won't do?"

Six illegal immigrants who were suspected of stealing relief supplies from Qualcomm Stadium were arrested by Border Patrol agents after San Diego police stopped them Wednesday morning.

A woman who had been evacuated to the stadium told officers she saw the group load up two pickup trucks and a car with cots and other supplies, leave and then return, said police Sgt. Jesse Cesena.

When officers stopped them, a member of the group said they were being paid to take things of value from the stadium.

"They were stealing a lot of stuff," Cesen~a said. "We took the stuff back and we escorted them out. They were stealing from the people in need."

Because some members of the group spoke Spanish, officers called Border Patrol agents at the stadium for relief efforts. They determined the people were in the country illegally and arrested them.

The Border Patrol agents are among 100 that the federal agency has been providing for relief efforts, said agency spokesman Matthew Johnson. He said the agents are not looking for illegal immigrants among people seeking refuge at the stadium.

"We're not out there doing immigration stuff in the middle of a disaster," he said. "However, we still enforce the laws."

Harry Potter / R&R Hall of Fame

Harry Potter Character is Gay
Neither I nor my children have ever read a Harry Potter book or seen a Harry Potter movie, therefore the following news item did not phase us/me:

"Harry Potter" author J.K. Rowling stunned fans at a Q&A session at Carnegie Hall Friday night when she said that Hogwarts headmaster Albus Dumbledore was gay.

Since I am unfamiliar with Harry Potter, I don't see the significance of "Hogwarts Albus Dumbledore [being] gay." What I am puzzled by is WHY it makes any difference. To my knowledge, the Potter series of books and movies are FICTION! Right?! So...what does a fictional character's sexual orientation have to to with anything? From what I understand, this tidbit of "news" has no effect on the storyline(s) or outcome of the FICTIONAL events desribed. Since the character isn't real, does that mean that the homosexual orientation (and by implication, sexual activity) is fictional?!

Rock & Roll Hall of Fame
My sons and love music. They both play guitar--my youngest has been dabbling with the keyboard lately; he plays mostly by ear. I play the drums. This past week, we made a trip to the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (R&RHF) in Cleveland, OH. We've wanted to go there for a while; in fact, we went through Ohio several years ago on our way home from Washington DC, but my wife didn't think the R&RHF sounded like "fun," so we kept on driving.

This past week was "Fall Break" for our local school system, so a couple of months ago, we planned our trip. My wife had to work that week, both boys were out of school, and I had some vacation to burn. We flew to Cleveland on Thursday, visited the R&RHOF on Friday, and returned home on Saturday. A whirl-wind trip...but a BLAST! We just happened to arrive in Cleveland the same day as Game Four of the ALCS between Cleveland and Boston. What a spectacle! I've NEVER seen so many people in one place in my life! (Bad news for Indians fans...they ain't going to "the series"...even though the politically incorrect Indians mascot is still smiling.)

We walked around the downtown area, mingling with the baseball fans on Thursday. Ate at the Hard Rock Cafe that night. Friday morning, we were at the R&RHF when the doors opened. The R&RHF and Museum opened in 1995 (the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Foundation was formed in 1983), as "the preeminent home for the celebration and study of rock and roll music. [The] exhibits, educational programs and performance events have made the Museum a mecca for fans, scholars and the artists themselves. In fact,...research shows that the Museum is the most popular and best-attended hall of fame in the country."

The museum is definitely a trip down memory lane (at least it was for me; for the boys, it was just "COOOL!"). There were exhibits--some large, some small--highlighting groups such as (in no particular order) The Beatles, The Beach Boys, The Allman Brothers Band, Buddy Holly, Jimi Hendrix, ZZ Top, and Aerosmith. There were artifacts from every era: clothing worn by performers, original lyrics scribbled on notebook paper or hotel stationary, ticket stubs, posters, etc. Several exhibits showed videos of artists or events. The "sad" thing for me...I recalled seeing alot of the arists/groups on television or live...some of them over 40 years ago! It doesn't seem that long ago that the Beatles were on the Ed Sullivan Show or that I was watching American Bandstand on a Saturday afternoon. Time flies.

I'm a big Allman Brothers fan, so one of the highlights for me was seeing Gregg Allman's Hammond B-3 organ. It's right there in the museum. I could almost hear the band cranking out "Whippin' Post!" Two of my favorite groups--Yes and The Doobie Brothers--haven't made it into the Hall of Fame...yet. It was a very quick, very memorable trip. Both of the boys said they were going back "some day." I hope they think of our trip back in 2007 when they do.

Home!

My sons and I just spent the past couple of days in Cleveland, Ohio. Our ultimate destination: the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. We had a BLAST! More pics and blogging later. I'm tired and glad to be back home.

Time Out

I'll be out of pocket for several days, but don't worry. If you:

• Enjoy reading my blog on a regular basis OR
• Stop by from time to time but can take it or leave it OR
• Think I'm a hate-monger and wish I'd drop off the planet.

DON'T WORRY. I'll be back.

I Love the 70's (Music)

I graduated from high school in the 70's. I graduated from college in the 70's. I met my wife in the 70's. I love the 70's.

I dont' really care for the clothing or hairstyles of the 70's (of course I have to say that now since I don't have much hair left), but I really like the music from that decade. We had some great bands then: the Doobie Brothers, the Eagles, Aerosmith, and Led Zeppelin. Other groups I liked were the Marshall Tucker Band, the Allman Brothers Band and the Ozark Mountain Daredevils. However, my most favorite groups were Yes and Emerson, Lake & Palmer. Some of these guys are still touring, although they appear to have aged a lot worse than I have [ big grin ]!

My junior year in high school, I wrote my term paper--remember those?--on ELP and that was no easy accomplishment since personal computers or the internet didn't exist. I spent many a Saturday at the library, searching through the card index for anything I could found about those guys. I got an "A", which incidently back then, had to be at 93 or above. None of this 90 crud! I was at the 1974(I think it was) concert in Tulsa, OK which was recorded and heard on the King Biscuit Flower Hour. I think I read somewhere that some of that same recording is part of ELP's Welcome Back My Friends...(Live) album.

I got to thinking about all this 70's stuff this morning while I was listening to an internet "classic rock" station. I had to go in to work and since no one was there, I took the opportunity to crank up my speakers and "blast through the past" with some of my favorite tunes. While I was listening to ELP's "Karn Evil 9," I rembered a couple of projects I had done in college, which I dug out as soon as I got home.

Below is a pen and ink sketch of Keith Emerson. The second piece was an album cover assignment done with a combination of pen and ink, opaque watercolor and acrylic. Pretty dated looking, but I like it. Just for kicks, here's an opaque watercolor of Todd Rundgren from the same college semester.

 

Top 100

Outreach Magazine recently published a list of "The 100 Largest U.S. Churches". In the top 20, there are at least six that I would classify as "seeker sensitive/emergent." Thank goodness there weren't any more than that. Sadly, four out of the first five fall into this category.

Pornographic Bible

In this previous post, I decried the use of what I considered a crude/crass euphemism attributed to Mark Driscoll to describe (in part) the circumstances surrounding Jesus' birth. In recent days, I have interacted via the internet with several individuals that basically take the stance:

• "There's a lot worse in the Bible!"
• "I think Mark is closer to things the way he is stating it."
• "I love it when people apply a particular contemporary sub-culture’s stringent understanding of language to their readings of pre-modern (read: ancient) texts of Holy Scripture."
• "What I do have a problem with is denying the circumstances of the Biblical narrative out some misplaced sense of propriety. I don’t care if you think the bare facts laid out by Driscoll are somehow shameful and unworthy of Jesus to the point where we have to clean up or deny what was actually going on."
• "The quote, “At least we know who our father is…” comes to mind. Now, what could they have meant by that?"

When I think about it, to some degree these people are right. Seriously, why should we shy away from things in the Bible that we find offensive--only because we are applying some modern-day criteria of what is and what isn't appropriate?

We're not living in the days of the Puritans! For whatever reason, God deemed it necessary to include EVERYTHING we have in our Bible, including passages such as Ezekiel 23:18-23 which was noted by several people in our conversation. (WARNING: This could be considered very graphic language by some.)

When she carried on her prostitution openly and exposed her nakedness, I turned away from her in disgust, just as I had turned away from her sister. Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt. There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses. So you longed for the lewdness of your youth, when in Egypt your bosom was caressed and your young breasts fondled. (NIV)

A little rough? Yes. Biblical? Yes. Should we be offended? Not according to the emergents! God is simply describing how wretched and defiled the people had become. I have to admit, it certainly drives the point home.

I'm working on a flannel-graph of these verses for our 8-year-old Sunday School class. I hope I can get it finished before Sunday...

This post has been rated "S" for heavy sarcasm.

Jesus Air Freshner

I am speechless. I am without speech.

What Did He Say?!

I've never listened to a single sermon by Mark Driscoll. If he really said this, I don't believe I ever will...especially if he thinks this is appropriate content for a sermon:

Roughly two thousand years ago, Jesus was born in a dumpy, rural, hick town, not unlike those today where guys change their own oil, think pro wrestling is real, find women who chew tobacco sexy, and eat a lot of Hot Pockets with their uncle-daddy. Jesus' mom was a poor, unwed teenage girl who was often mocked for claiming she conceived via the Holy Spirit. Most people thought she concocted the crazy story to cover the fact she was knocking boots with some guy in the backseat of a car at the prom.

Steve Camp attributes this comment to Driscoll. The original post is here.

I think this is what those in the "emerging" or "emergent church" movement call cutting edge or relevant. I call it smug and potty-mouthed.

Slow Week and Friday Photos

Not really much to talk about this week. I am trying to wean myself from a couple of blogs I read on a regular basis. I not going to link them here, but suffice it to say, they do not encourage me in my Christian walk. (Don't worry--they're not "porn" sites or anything like that.)

Friday Photos

I named this photo "Fire Bouquet." Some of the metals we use in our shop require us to preheat them before they can be welded. This burner is sitting on the inside of a channel cylinder for a shell and tube heat exchanger.
 

This is one of the Carlton vertical drills we have in our shop. It looks old because it is!

flickr: Friday Photo Group

Septic Truck

The Presidential election isn't until November 2008! I'm already sick of the whole mess...and I can't even begin to imagine another eight years of a Clinton in the White House, but I'm afraid that's exactly where we are headed.

Check out the "vanity tag."

Take A Number!

I had been standing in line for about 5 minutes when she walked up to the checkout. She didn't go to the back of the line; she just walked around everybody and started talking to the sales clerk. She wasn't buying anything; she just wanted some information, but it was still aggravating.

She didn't say "excuse me" or anything, she just walked right up to the cashier, ignoring those of us in line and asked, "Where can I find such and such?" The cashier, who was already engaged with another customer, looked at her, turned and looked (with a "what should I do?" expression) at those of us patiently waiting in line, then turned back to the "intruder" and answered her question.

The "line crasher" said "Thank you" as she walked off. NOW she has manners?!

OK. It was only a 10 second delay. No harm. No foul. The cashier is back to her original customer. I'm next.

"How can I help you?," the cashier asked me. "I'd like to exchange these items and..." That's all I got out. I was interrupted by LINE INTRUDER NUMBER TWO!!! He was obviously more important than me. He dressed better than me and that's got to count for something, right? He was also in a hurry and when you're in a hurry, well, no one else even exists! His problem was most likely a BIG problem, much bigger than my exchange, which in turn warranted his cutting to the front of the line.

Line Intruder No.2: "Where are the florescent light bulbs?"
Cashier: (wearing previous "what do I do?" face)"Well, they are, uh, I think, er uh, they're on (pointing) that aisle."
Line Intruder No.2: "Gotcha." (I think that means "thank you" where he comes from)

The cashier turned to me, said "I'm sorry. What was it you wanted?" So, I proceeded--again--to explained that I wanted to exchange some items, pick up a couple more things, blah, blah, blah. She punched then buttons, printed the receipts, I signed several documents (I think I signed up for swimming lessons at one point), she asked to see the credit card I had used to make the original purchase. I gave her my social security number, driver's license and a quart of blood. In short order, the transaction was done--no more intruders.

I didn't say anything to the cashier about the line crashers. She was young and probably wouldn't have understood what I was talking about, unless I used the phrase "you know" alot. I don't understand why people are so rude.

Beatitudes and Friday Photo

Sometimes I don't enjoy being a Sunday School teacher. The past couple of weeks has been one of those "sometimes."

Things at work have been a struggle lately; there are so many personality conflicts, people jockeying for position, too much "sucking up" (I don't like that term, but it's the only one I can think of at the moment) to the boss(es), back stabbing, gossip, anger, distrust, manipulation, deception, and downright meanness ...whew!... that it's been an effort some days to make myself show up. And sad to say, I'm not just talking about the people I work with-- in some cases I'm talking about myself!

Now, what does my work situation have to do with Sunday School and/or being a teacher. Well, we've been working our way through the Beatitudes portion of the Sermon on the Mount and frankly, I just feel so, so...unworthy, cruddy, [fill in frustrated mental/emotional state here], especially when I come to:

Blessed are the meek (gentle), for they shall inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.
Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.

That's a TOUGH list--particularly of late. Take a look at it. Meekness. A hunger and thirst for God (righteousness). Pure in heart. Peacemaker. It's near impossible--no, it IS impossible to be those things when you're gritchin' and gripin' all the time or joining in on the lastest round of "man, I can't stand THAT guy," or...well, you get the picture. All of those attributes are/should be visible in the lives of people that belong to the Kingdom and it's hard to teach that when you're not doing it yourself!

Ah, but there's light at the end (actually the beginning) of the tunnel. Take a look at verses 3 and 4 of Matthew 5, the first two Beatitudes:

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

The Beatitudes build on each other and it all starts with recognizing just how "poor in spirit" we are. We don't deserve ANYTHING other than death, but God shows us mercy. Recognizing our depraved spiritual condition and then mouring or confessing our sin are the first steps toward becoming gentle, merciful, hungering and thirsting seekers of God's righteousness, who are pure in their hearts (motives), always seeking to live in peace with others...because we have been saved by THE Prince of Peace.

I look at my own life and realize just how filthy (Isaiah 64:6) I am and I'm driven to my knees to cry out as the tax-collector: "God be merciful to me a sinner" (Luke 18:13). That's encouraging to me, because I see my recognition of sin (my poorness of spirit) and my turning to God (mourning over sin) as the Holy Spirit working in my life to move me toward being the person God wants me to be. I am ashamed to admit that I fall into those times of anger and resentment. In doing so, I am in a sense, doubting God's love and provision for me, and yet, I know that God will not abandon me and that he will not ask me to do anything that He hasn't already equipped me to do.

It is a struggle some days, but there is hope. First John 1:9 says--"if we confess our sins, He is faithful to forgive and cleanse us..." People that aren't "in the kingdom" don't acknowledge their sin or grieve over it. I am grateful to see those attributes in my life. It spurs me on to know that God is working, molding, and correcting me for His glory.

Yep. Some days I don't like being a Sunday School teacher. But most days, I thank God for the awesome privilege He gives me each week to share things He has taught me throughout the week.

Friday Photo

flickr: Friday Photo Group

Voter Test

Maybe we should use this for a "voter test."

Suppposedly, pre-schoolers all over the United States were shown the picture below and asked the same question. Ninety percent of them reportedly answered the question correctly. The question?

Which direction is the bus traveling?
Left or right?

Click here for the answer.

Voter ID Required? Bring it ON!

The New York Times (as well as other news outlets) recently reported that the Supreme Court has agreed...

to consider whether voter-identification laws unfairly keep poor people and members of minority groups from going to the polls (emphasis mine)... The justices will hear arguments from an Indiana case, in which a federal district judge and a panel of the United States Court of Appeals for the Seventh Circuit in January upheld a state law requiring, with certain exceptions, that someone wanting to vote in person in a primary or general election present a government-issued photo identification.

I am not wealthy, nor would I be considered poor; and generally speaking, I do not belong to a minority race--although that is changing quickly in the area of the United States in which my family live. Maybe that is why I don't understand the statement above. What in the world does one's race or income level have to do with their ability to VOTE?! Nothing. Here's what I think it's all about: stuffing the ballot box.

Somebody, somewhere has figured out that there is a very large number of individuals living in the United States that do NOT carry identification, not because they are poor and/or part of a minority group, but because they DON'T HAVE ANY! Some of those people have been able to vote without showing any proof of citizenship and to require them to do so NOW, might effect the outcome of the vote.

I don't care what the case is trying to prove. I think it's pretty simple. Regardless of whether you are rich, middle income, or poor, black, white, brown, or even green--if you can't prove you are who you say you are--and even more importantly, that you are a UNITED STATES CITIZEN...you ain't votin'! Just because you happen to be in the neighborhood doesn't give you a "say-so."

There are some pretty dumb rich people out there, just as much as there are dumb poor people. There are some pretty dumb people in EVERY ethnic group in this country. There are some smart ones, too. I've proposed this before, and I still believe it's a good plan. Effective immediately, absolutely NO ONE is a registered voter. End of discussion. If you want to vote in an upcoming election, you must do ALL of the following:

1. Go to your nearest voter registration office in person to register.
2. Present three (3) forms of ID, one of which is a government issued picture ID-e.g. state issued driver's license, a birth certificate from an AMERICAN hospital and an official social security card. These three items could vary to some degree, but you will need three forms of ID, proving you are an American citizen of eligible voting age.
3. You must be able to read the entire Gettysburg Address, IN ENGLISH, in two minutes or less. (Note: I realize that for one reason or another, some individuals may not be able to read. I'm still thinking about this one. At the very least, I think an applicant should be able to recite/paraphrase the first sentence of the Address--again, in English)
4. And finally, applicants should be able to sing or recite the Star Spangled Banner. (Extra points if you can hit the high notes.)

If a person can't comply with the simple criteria I've outlined above, do we really WANT them voting?! The down-side to my plan: it might eliminate a significant number of members of Congress.

The Importance of Tithing

Two men crashed in their private plane on a South Pacific island. Both survived. One of the men brushed himself off and then proceeded to run all over the island to see if they had any chance of survival.

When he returned, he rushed up to the other man and screamed, "This island is uninhabited, there is no food, there is no water. We are going to die!"

The other man leaned back against the fuselage of the wrecked plane, folded his arms and responded, "No we're not. I make over $250,000 a week."

The first man grabbed his friend and shook him. "Listen, we are on an uninhabited island. There is no food, no water. We are going to die !"

The other man, unruffled, again responded. "No, I make over $250,000 a week."

Mystified, the first man, taken aback with such an answer again repeated, "For the last time, I'm telling you we ARE doomed. There is NO one else on this island. There is NO food. There is NO water. We are, I repeat, we are going to die a slow death."

Still unfazed, the first man looked the other in the eyes and said, Do not make me say this again:

I make over $250,000 per week...
I am a Baptist and I tithe...
"MY PASTOR WILL FIND US!"

Feel Better Instantly

I received the following instructions in an email this morning. It really works.

HOW TO START EACH DAY WITH A POSITIVE OUTLOOK
 
1. Create a new file folder on your computer.
2. Name it 'Hillary Rodham Clinton'.
3. Drag it to the recycle bin.
4. Empty the recycle bin.
5. Your PC will ask you, 'Do you really want to get rid of 'Hillary Rodham Clinton?'
6. Firmly Click 'Yes.'
7. Feel better instantly.
 
Next week, we'll do Nancy Pelosi.

Alright! Second Place!

The Bible lesson here, boys and girls,is: Finish the race! Thanks to Joe for the link.

Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win. --1 Corinthians 9:24 (NASB)

Truth

It's not a lie as long as you believe it's true -- Jerry Seinfeld

Thanks to the Underminer for the cartoon.

Thin Skin

One of the blogs I frequent created some satirical posters a while back, pointed specifically at the "emerging church" movement. I thought they were funny, clever, and showed a lot of creativity. At the same time, the posters pointed out some of the silly arguments and activities of a group that believes THEY have "discovered" how church is to be done. I can only assume that many of them have not heard of the Regulative Principle nor taken the time to read and understand the Scriptures from which the Principle is derived. Our pastor is currently taking us through a study on this very topic. Very interesting and informative.

A commentor on another blog (just to be fair, here's the blog link) had this to say about the posters:

I think the photos chosen are telling. First, there is a strong prevalence of dreadlocks in the photos. While the individuals sporting them are white, the implication is clear: dreadlocks are “weird” and definitely not normative. (I think of the justification for mocking “weird” people: we aren’t to give an appearance of evil. So maybe dreadlocks are evil.) Unfortunately, dreadlocks are a big part of the black culture in this country. It’s in poor taste to mock a style of hair that is so closely linked to the black community.

Second, the posters, ironically perhaps, are more diverse, presumably, than the churches these men attend. There is at least one man of Asian descent and several that appear to be Latino.

Tackling the simpler--and maybe sillier comment re: the "diversity" of the posters: I have personally attended the church where Phil Johnson ministers and actually **gasp** sat by person "of Asian decent." I also not only SAW several Latinos in the congregation, the gentleman sitting on my other side was Latino! We had ourselves an ETHNIC people sandwich going on there!

As far as the "dreadlocks" comments, below are three posters (out of my count of 54) that feature individuals sporting dreadlocks.

First of all, 3 out of 54 doesn't add up to a "strong prevalence" (5 percent of the total ain't gonna win an election, fella!).

Second, the charge of "racism" isn't going to fly either. I don't think the point of the posters is dreadlocks are “weird” and definitely not normative. (I think of the justification for mocking “weird” people. I don't believe the creators of the posters were making any statement about any particular race of people...other than WHITE people that THINK they look good in dreadlocks! I made the following comments to the blog re: this bogus accusation:

...it’s not the dreadlocks that look/are weird–it’s the WHITE folks sporting them, trying to look like something/someone they are not that looks weird! It’s almost as painful as listening to an all-white choir trying to sing backup for Larnelle Harris (showing my age) or Kirk Franklin!

My sister-in-law is a “person of color;” My wife and I are not. My sister-in-law can and does wear clothes/hair styles that look great on her, that would never work for my wife (or me). Her skin color and features are such that she can wear those things and bring a beauty to them that whites/caucasians cannot.

We can’t jump and we shouldn’t wear dreadlocks!

Some people just look for something to complain about. And when they can't find it--they make it up. Grow some thicker skin, people!

I noticed there there are SIX posters featuring bald people. Maybe we should get our BVD's in a wad over that! Bald people of the world UNITE! Maybe they are saying bald people are weird and evil! I say: BUFFALO BAGELS!!! (aka bovine excrement).

See all of the emergent posters here.

Leave General Petraeus Alone

"He's got medals on his chest!...he's done stuff!!!"

Riots and Friday Photos

Inmates Riot Over Sausage
MSNBC reported the following from HOBBS, NM: Some Lea County inmates set fires and broke toilets and windows after being told they would be allowed only one sausage at dinner. Jail officials said the inmates began yelling and banging on their doors in what they described in a news release as a "temper tantrum."

Officers from the Lea County Sheriff's and Hobbs Police departments were called in to restore control, and the jail was locked down after Tuesday night's incident.

Some 33 prisoners were involved, Warden Jann Gartman said. The remaining 300-plus prisoners at the jail accepted the meal without incident, authorities said.

The damage to the jail was light, with some smoke damage and broken toilets and windows, the warden said.

(NOTE: The sausage already had "smoke damage.")

Friday Photos
Today's photos are a bit unusual. I spotted this house on my way to work yesterday. I have no idea what the story is, but it appears the homeowner has a "walker/wheelchair/bedside toilet salvage yard" business going on. I'm not sure what the golf bag has to do with it, but I thought it was a nice touch.

flickr: Friday Photo Group

Incredible

On a completely different "note" than usual, I'm not a fan of "the opera," but this is amazing. Enjoy.

Prosperity Praise

One of my "new" favorite websites is A Little Leaven. I don't know where they find this stuff!

A Question for Kyla

Kyla Ebbert is the 23-year-old coed that was asked to "cover up" or get off a Southwest Airlines flight about two months ago. According to the flight attendant, Kyla's outfit "was too revealing." After adjusting her clothing to better conceal her offending body parts, she was allowed to make the flight from San Diego to Tucson for a doctor's appointment (all the San Diego doctors were busy). Recounting the incident on The Today Show Ms. Ebbert stated:

I didn’t want to draw attention. I just sat there crying. [I] was so embarrassed [I] requested a blanket to cover myself for the flight. I was humiliated, I was embarrassed. I felt like everyone was staring.

OK, Kyla, a couple of things: (1) I've seen the "outfit" and I'm not surprised people were staring. If you don't want to be stared at, don't flaunt the goods. (2) YOU WORK AT HOOTERS!!! Besides having great hot wings (I've been told; I've never been to a Hooters restaurant), my understanding of their marketing strategy is large breasted women in tight shirts and very small shorts serving food to dirty old men who will be STARING AT THEM!!!

I've got a question for Kyla: You weren't the valedictorian of your class, were you?

PS: She's already got an idiot lawyer; they'll sue; they'll probably win. What a great country.

All Dogs Go to Heaven?

Disclaimer: Names have been changed for obvious reasons. I'm not looking for my blog to get tons of hits; this is just a place for me to vent and write about the "things that go through my head." This particular post is not intended to be disrespectful or rude to any particular individual. Really.

I heard on the news today that this famous guy named Leon Palamino died. He was supposedly a very well known yodeler, and I had heard of him, although I can't say I've every heard him yodel. Lots of people must of really liked his yodeling, because EVERY 6:00 News program led off with the story of Leon's death.

I googled Leon's name, and found tons of websites dedicated to him and his yodeling. He died this morning, and there were already a lot of "tribute" blogs/websites where people could post their thoughts about Leon. They were saying things like:

• I saw Palamino with the Three Yodelers...incredible!
• Man, that guy could yodel! And...
• Heaven has a new yodeler.

I saw and heard that last comment several times and thought to myself: How do they know that? Now, let me say right up front: I don't have any idea where Leon is right now. I don't claim to know all about him, but I honestly haven't heard a single thing that would make me think he's singing in heaven. He yodeled in a different language, so maybe he was yodeling all this time about Jesus, but you'd think he or someone would have mentioned it.

Here's the thing-- I don't believe that just because you're a good singer or a good person, you go to heaven. All dogs DON'T go to heaven. Don't misunderstand what I'm saying here. I'm not reveling in the idea that Leon may not be in heaven; in fact, I hope he is, but there seems to be this thing that when someone we really like dies, we say things like: "They're in a better place" or "She's not suffering anymore" or "He's singing in God's choir." It's not enough to be good. It's not enough to simply say, "Yeah, I believe there's a God/Higher Power." It's just not enough...nothing we do on our own is enough. It may make us feel better to say those things, but they're just not true.

In simplest terms, there is only ONE way a person goes to heaven, and that's through Jesus Christ, by putting their faith/trust in His death on the cross to pay the price for their sins. Jesus said: "I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through Me. (John 14:6) I hope Leon put his faith in Jesus; I really do.

Friday Photos

flickr: Friday Photo Group

A Different Way

We began a study of the Gospel of Matthew in our Sunday School class yesterday, starting with the story of Jesus' birth, which was kinda weird since it's not "Christmas time." But, I think not being caught up in the hustle and bustle of the season actually allowed us to step back and see some things we might have missed.

We went through the genealogy, noting that three of the four women mentioned (Tamar, Rahab, Ruth) were Gentiles; Bathseba, who is not mentioned by name in some translations, may have been an Israelite (cf. 1 Chr 3:5). We also noted some interesting things such as:

• Matthew's genealogy is ascending from Abraham to Jesus.
• Luke's genealog is descending from Jesus to Adam.
• Matthew's genealogy traces Jesus' "legal" heritage, i.e. His legal right to the throne of David via Joseph's lineage.
• Lukes's genealogy traces Jesus' "royal" heritage, i.e. the bloodline through David via Mary's lineage. (The "Eli" mentioned is believed to be Mary's father.)
• Beyond Zerubbabel to Joseph, we know nothing of the descendants listed.

We spent some time looking at the Magi. These guys (and we don't know that there were only three of them) show up, looking for "He who has been born King of the Jews...for we saw His star in the east and have come to worship Him." (Matt 2:2) Just a little side note here: the idea of three "wise men" or Magi comes from the three gifts--gold, frankincense and myrrh that are given to Jesus. According to Wikipedia, the bones of the "three"--named Melchior, Balthazar and Casper--are said to be in the Shrine of the Three Wise Men in Cologne, Germany. Personally, I'm not buying it, but I digress.

A couple of things in Matthew's Gospel stood out to me:

The purpose of their visit was "to worship." The Magi can be traced back to the time of Daniel when he was made ruler over the wise men of Babylon (Daniel 2:48). It's not a stretch to believe Daniel would have spoken to them about the coming Messiah, maybe even pointed them to this prophecy: "...A star shall come forth from Jacob, And a scepter shall rise from Israel..." (Numbers 24:17). This could explain their comment of seeing "His star."

So here it is, some 500+ years later, and these men are looking for sign of a new king that they know very little about. They DO know that something significant is connected with the "star" they have seen in Israel and because they believe this to be the king Daniel spoke of so long ago, they have come to see for themselves...and to worship.

They met Jesus and were changed.Matthew tells us that the Magi fell down and worship Jesus. When they got ready to leave, God spoke to them and warned them about Herod's evil intentions, so they "left for their own country by another way.

I think there's a little more there. I think they not only took a different route, but they returned home DIFFERENT--a "different way." They had encountered the Christ, and they would never be the same. Isn't that the right response? Notice how the priests and scribes responded when Herod asked, "Do you know what these guys are talking about?" They KNEW the prophecies concerning the Messiah. They knew exactly where the Messiah would be born (just a couple of miles down the road!!) and yet they didn't even bother to check things out.

I would have LOVED to have been in the Magi's caravan as they made their way home. They had traveled so far. They had arrived not knowing for sure what they would find--and they ended up meeting the Son of God, the Promised Messiah...and they were going home "different."

I Think This is Funny

A couple of things on this Saturday evening that may upset some folks. My aplogies in advance, but I think this stuff is funny.

The poster above was posted on a blog that disagrees (for lack of a better term) with Phil Johnson and the other Pyro's Emergent posters (which I also think are funny). I think they think this is an "Oh, yeah...well take THIS!" I just like it because it's Barney Fife--and it really is funny. (Poster originally uploaded by Revmhj (Matthew Johnson)

Saw this quote on another blog: "Referring to an illegal immigrant as an undocumented worker is like referring to a drug dealer as a unlicensed pharmacist!

Thought I'd Let You Know

Here are some things I think you should know:

• Madalyn Murray O'Hair is DEAD! as a DOORNAIL! Has been since sometime after August 27, 1995. All the gorey details are here. She is NOT suing the FCC to have God's name removed from the airwaves nor is she heading up a push to have Touched By An Angel (an already defunct TV show) cancelled and removed from television.
• In God We Trust has not been removed from the new Presidential dollar coins. The phrase is on the edge of the coin...the U.S. Mint should know!
• I have NO INTENTION of forwarding your emails promising God will answer my prayer, grant my wish, bring me good luck, etc. God is sovereign in ALL things. He's already got things worked out and He doesn't need an email to accomplish His plan.
• Cell phones will not cause you to blow up at the gas pump. Shell Oil never issued a warning to this effect. Email hoax debunked here.
• Boycotting gas on ANY particular day isn't going to make a bit of difference. Think about it- you can refuse to buy gas on Thursday...Friday or Saturday, but EVENTUALLY, you're gonna buy gas! The oil companies can wait. You need them and they know it.
• Mars didn't show up. The email stated: The Red Planet is about to be spectacular! This month and next, Earth is catching up with Mars in an encounter that will culminate in the closest approach between the two planets in recorded history. The next time Mars may come this close is in 2287. Due to the way Jupiter's gravity tugs on Mars and perturbs its orbit, astronomers can only be certain that Mars has not come this close to Earth in the Last 5,000 years, but it may be as long as 60,000 years before it happens again. FAKE! I didn't get up in the middle of the night to see the spectacle--I did walk out into my backyard around 9:00 PM and didn't see a thing.
  
• Elvis is dead. He does not work at a Kroger in Minneapolis.
  
• Bill Gates is not tracking your email...and he's not giving away money, especially to YOU, just for using his software. Unless you're using a MAC--you're GONNA run his software pretty much whether you like it or not.

Friday Photo

This isn't Mars--it's just the moon shot through a tree in my backyard; camera effect set to "sepia."

flickr: Friday Photo Group

I Need a Break

I need a break from some of the blogs I read. A lot of what I read online is connected in some way with doctrine/theology/church life/etc. Some of it falls under the category of "critique" of other ministries, some of it deals specifically with and in defense of the "emerging or emergent church" (however you choose to label it).

After looking at this, this, and this, I've reaffirmed my belief that some of these so-called pastors exist simply to generate as much controversy as possible--to be as flippant, "in-your-face" irreverant as they can be. One of them actually states his goal is to "tick people off." A Biblically, noble, Christ-honoring goal I must say. It makes me sick and sad at the same time. They claim they are seeing conversions in droves, but what are the people converting to? So...at least for now, I'm taking a break from reading their tripe. My blood pressure will be better for it.

An encouraging thought: it ain't gonna last. This fad will go the way of others before them. Two years ago, you couldn't swing a dead cat in a Christian bookstore without knocking over a Purpose Driven Steak Knife Set, Purpose Driven Swiss Army Knife or Purpose Driven Combination Mouse Pad/Daily Journal/food processor! These guys and their silliness will go away...I just hate to think of the bodies of unsuspecting "followers" that will be scattered along the wayside.

The emerging bloggers won't miss me...and I certainly won't miss them.

PS: I've got set a "Prayer of Jabez" lawn furniture listed on eBay if anyone is interested.

Small Town - Pt 3

School started around here last week. I remember growing up feeling excited and, at the same time, sad about the beginning of school. It meant summer was over. No more spending the day riding bikes, fishing in the ponds around our house, swimming at the "strip pits" or the city pool. It meant going back to a regular bedtime during the week and for sure, no sleeping in!

Going back to school also meant new clothes and new shoes. I think I was in fourth grade--I got a new pair of "PF Flyers" (we called them "tennis shoes" or "sneakers"); I could run REALLY fast in those things! The new school year meant school supplies, which depending on your grade, could be pretty simple or a little more involved. In first grade, we needed a "Big Chief Tablet" and two pencils...the big fat ones, and a box of Kleenex! In Junior High or High School you needed a couple of notebooks, some pencils, a pen, colored pencils (for coloring a map of all 77 counties in Oklahoma), a compass (if you were taking Mrs. Dutton's geometry class), and maybe a three-ring binder with some loose-leaf paper. Today? The list is an entire page and includes a $800 calculator that is REQUIRED for any math class. My first calculator cost over $100 (1974) and did basic math functions, square root, and a couple of geometric functions, i.e. sin, cos, tan, etc. Today's calulators have enough number crunching power to fly the first (or maybe even current) space shuttles!

I'll never forget my first day of school--first grade. I had already attended kindergarten in the city were we had lived prior to moving to "the country." Now, because we lived out of town, I rode the bus to school. I also rode the bus, because my Mom didn't drive. It was 1964 and she did not have a driver's license. Anyway, getting on the right bus was easy--it pulled up to our driveway that morning and I got on. Getting home that afternoon was a little different. Being all of 6-years-old, I hadn't paid attention to the number of the bus I had ridden that morning.

When the bell rang that afternoon, everyone ran out to get in the bus lines. I ran out too...and there they were--not just the ONE bus I thought would be there, but the ENTIRE FLEET of buses, waiting to take all of us home! I had no idea which "bus route" I was on--I just knew MY bus was yellow and it had a lot of seats in it. I grabbed a teacher and nearly in tears, explained my situation. "Can you call your Mom or Dad at home and find out which bus you're supposed to ride," she asked. "No" I replied. "We haven't got our phone hooked up yet." Now what was I supposed to do? I don't recall how she determined which one, but the teacher finally put me on a bus, assuring me "this one will get you home." "Okay. Everything's good," I thought to myself.

About ten minutes into the bus ride, I began to recognize some landmarks. Yes, I remember the dairy down the road--and there's the house with the swimming pool (not vey common back then). I'm close to home; I'm going to make it! I looked out the front of the bus and there it was...our new house...and there was my mom, sitting on the front porch waiting for me to get off the bus and tell her all about my first day of school in our new town.

Then it happened; not 100 yards from our driveway, the bus TURNED LEFT onto a dirt rode HEADING AWAY FROM OUR HOUSE! I jumped from my seat and ran to the front of the bus. "You missed my house!" I shouted at the driver. "You're supposed to drive by the MY house." The driver firmly told me to take my seat. "But my house!" I cried. He didn't seem to care and he made it known that he had no intention of turning that bus around. He had a specific route and he was not going to deviate from it! I slumped down in my seat. I was never going to see my mom or dad again...or my little brother. Why had the teacher put me on the wrong bus? Why wouldn't that bus driver stop!? I sat there. I sat there and watched the other kids, one by one, get off the bus until I was the only one left. THEN, the bus driver said: "Now, let's see if we can find your house."

"What in the world is he thinking?!" I thought to myself. I had no idea where I was. I didn't know our address (which at the time was "Rural Route 1 Box something"). I couldn't tell him where I lived to save my soul! And so, we drove and we drove and we DROVE for what seemed like hours, but nothing looked familar to me. The driver retraced the route, but I was all turned around and scared. Finally, the driver said he had to get the bus back to the "bus barn" and that we'd try to call someone when we got there.

I remember thinking to myself: "Why hadn't I just jumped out the bus window. ANYTHING would be better than this!" By now, it was getting late, or at least it seemed like it was to me. I was scared, tired, and hungry...and I was riding in a school bus going to who knows where in hopes of somehow, miraculously finding my house. We arrived at the bus barn and parked the bus. As we were getting off the bus, I woman approached the driver. Turns out, Mrs. Hargrove was a teacher at the elementary school. Why she was in the vicinity of the bus barn at that time of day I'll never know, but I was certainly glad to see someone I thought I recognized. The bus driver explained the situation and she agreed to take over the quest to get me home. Her plan? Drive me around town until I recognized something or someone. Great plan, eh?

Well, I don't mind telling you that I wasn't very hopeful by this time. My first day of first grade had been a DISASTER and we were'nt going to find my house. What a dumb plan!...and this woman was a teacher?! Now I was going to be an orphan and grow up without a family! I'd be taken to an orphanage far away and that would be the end of that! No more parents, no more little brother, no more new house in the country, no more...then it happened. I looked up and saw him. It was my DAD! He was driving right toward us on Main Street! And he was looking for ME!!!

"There's my Dad!" I shouted. "There's my Dad!" Pointing and waving, I continued to shout, while Mrs. Hargrove frantically pounded on the car's horn and waved, trying to get my Dad's attention. Dad saw us and pulled his car over; we did the same and I jumped out of Mrs. Hargrove's car! I've got to tell you, that's the best ride home I've EVER had. I told Dad all about how I had gotten on the wrong bus---I made sure I told him about the teacher, too. Then we got home and I told Mom all about seeing her on the porch and riding around with Mrs. Hargrove. What a day! Surprisingly, I don't recall saying "I'm never going back"; we did however make sure I knew which bus I was supposed to ride: bus number 3! I don't believe I ever got on the wrong bus again.

How To Fix Your Church

The headline read: Once Thriving Church Closing Its Doors. The newspaper article stated: "At its peak, [the church] had more than 600 members. On one Sunday, 45 new members joined...The large education wing was bustling with children. Now it stands empty. 'There are no youths in our church,' [one member] said. 'The youngest members are in their 50s, and most are in their 70s and 80s. People got older and didn't come any more.'" A trustee of the church was quoted as saying: "The theatre churches are taking over. People like to be entertained."

I wish they had called me-- I think I could have helped them out. I've been watching this church thing for a while and I think I've figured out how to prevent situations like this.

The trustee is on the right track. People don't want to come to church; they "want to be entertained." That's where you have to start. You've got to change things up a bit. Make it more fun...and for gosh sakes, don't make it sound like CHURCH! Here's a list of things (in no particular order-and certainly not a complete list) you need to change in your church if you don't want to end up like this congregation.

• DON'T use the terms "church" or "congregation." DO use terms such as "community" or "gathering"; they sound less formal.
• DO NOT refer to the unsaved as "sinners." Nothing bruises an individual's psyche like making them feel inferior. DO refer to them as "non-believers" or "unchurhed" (hereafter UPs).
• Ditch the "churchy looking building. See that pointy thing on the top of the church in the picture. That's a steeple--it's means "church." "Formal church." Formal church = bad. Meet in a movie theatre, old warehouse or even better an old brewery...EVEN BETTER, an existing brewery or pub! Unchurched people love that kind of thing.
• Pack up the hymnals! Hymns are a big turn-off for the UPs. They don't know how to sing A Mighty Fortress is Our God, and they could care less about a "bulwark." Also get rid of the organ and piano and replace them with a keyboard, couple of guitars, a bass, and at least three backup singers (aka the "worship team"). A horn section is also a nice addition. Music should "rock the house."
• DON'T refer to the preacher as the "senior pastor." DO refer to him as the "lead pastor." Also, refer to any additional pastors as the "leadership team." (Associate Minister is a no-no.) AND the Music Minister should be refered to as: Pastor of Christian Arts, Worship, and Drama.
• DO NOT refer to others in the church as "Brother So-And-SO" or "Sister So-And-So." "DUDE!" works for everybody.
• Encourage your pastor to use edgy language from the pulpit. He should say things like: "I think the Bible is a f***ing scary book (pardon my French, but that's the only way I know how to convey how strongly I feel about this)!" OR "That really s**ks!" Use of the words he** and da** should not be discouraged. This makes your pastor, er uh, lead pastor sound more down to earth to the UPs.
• DO NOT refer to sermons as "sermons." DO refer to them as "talks" or "lessons."
• Encourage your lead pastor to blog and post comments like: "My wife IS hot and ALWAYS WILL BE and I think its biblical to brag about it (Song of Solomon) and if that makes you mad I'm sorry your's (or you) is (are) ugly!" (Just in case you think I made this one up, click here.) This makes him sound really funny and again, down to earth--AND should cause you to wish your wife was as hot as his...although "hot" is in the eye of the beholder, but I digress.
• Change the name of your church to something like "The Hill" or "The Orchard" or"Potters House", or...you get the idea. Never use the word "church" in the name of your community.

Of utmost importance, a church that wants to avoid the demise of the aforementioned church should put their lead pastor through an "extreme makeover." UPs are NOT comfortable with coats and ties or anything else that resembles formality. Below is an example of what you can do to make your pastor look more relevant to the UPs.

The picture on the left is a typical Senior Pastor (not the pastor of the church in the article). The picture on the right has been altered to make the pastor more appealing to the UPs. Get rid of the jacket and tie and opt for the open sport shirt. (A gift certificate to the local tanning salon would be a nice touch.) "Rob Bell" style glasses say: "Hey dude! Welcome to our community. The worship band is off the hook this morning!" (I know this to be true because one of my sons has glasses like this, and he's "off the hook", too. He's not a pastor, though.) Your pastor should either shave his head OR go with the rockabilly look. Either one works. A goatee or "soul patch" finishes off the look.

So there you have it. If your church is on the brink of collapse or needs a little shot in the arm, implement some or ALL of the suggestions here---you're sure to pack the house. And someday you'll be able to say: "We're the fastest growing church in [fill in your town or city here]!" Glad I could help.

Jesus Songs

One of the blogs I frequent is a watchdog-watchdog site, i.e. they critique the content of blogs they DON'T like that critique the content of blogs they DO like. It makes for some interesting (and sometimes mind-numbing) dialog. They are particularly fond of words that NO ONE uses in everyday conversation, e.g. missive, missional, emerging/emergent, and abstruse. (I guess I should clarify "no one" as being me and the people with whom I conversate...man, that sounded really pretty smart, didn't it?!) Anyway, they have a post today that I'm still trying to figure out:

1. Is it real?
2. I mean, do they really, REALLY think like this?

Here's part of the post. The writer is talking about a sermon series he is working on for Easter (next year, I guess):

I was toying with the idea of what entrance music would be appropriate for Jesus after the resurrection (or if you want to think of it this way, what could be playing on the soundtrack during/after the resurrection). The idea here is to capture the kind of moment that it is. The song doesn’t have to be completely relevant (as in some of the lyrics may not quite fit), but it should set the proper mood/feeling of the moment. This can be for the resurrection itself, or the appearances Jesus made afterwards. I only have two stipulations:

1. The song needs to be well known enough that people will generally be familiar with it.

2. Provide some explanation.

The writer then went on to make a few suggestions-- one of which REALLY caught my attention. He suggested, and I quote: "Back in Black – AC/DC. Mark Driscoll describes Jesus at the second coming as an ultimate fighter. Totally sweet, and he’s got a tattoo. The b***s to the wall attitude of this song is perfect. It lets everyone know that the man is back in town." (My edit)

You can read the rest of the suggestions and comments here. By the way, I was the only person that suggested hymns such as "He Arose" or "Christ the Lord is Risen Today." I know, I know. Too traditional, and not very easy to dance to.

PGA / Friday Photos

PGA
I'm not a golfer, but our company bought tickets to the PGA this week in Tulsa...so I went out Monday and took some pictures. I went back Thursday, also. My brother is an avid golfer and fan, so I invited him to the first day of the tournament. We don't get to see each other very often (he lives in another state), so it was really good to spend some time together.

Friday Photos

See the rest of my PGA pics here.

flickr: Friday Photo Group

All You Need Is Love

I saw this on a billboard yesterday--advertising for a church in the area. Wonder where they're going with this?

It's Like This

I've been trying to talk with some people¹ about a particular topic, but it seems almost impossible to get a straight answer.

It's like trying to do THIS!

 

¹ I don't want to name names...but they belong to a church movement that begins with "e" and ends in "mergent."

A Busy Week / Friday Photos

A Busy Week
A busy week at work; I installed a major re-write of an application I wrote several years ago that generates our "bill of material/parts" for the shop. So far no major glitches. The database that is generated by the program feeds our purchasing, receiving, and non-destructive testing departments. Not much time to do anything else.

I went to the funeral of a Sunday School member's father Thursday. I didn't know the father, but after the service, I wish I had. He and his wife had been married over 55 years! He finished well. "Well done, good and faithful servant."

Friday Photos

I took this picture a couple of weeks ago in downtown Tulsa, near a construction site. It looks like they just got tired of painting the wall and quit.

First Corinthians 1:21. One of my favorite verses. God chose to save people through the preaching of His Word. I don't know why He chose that method over any others; but He did. I don't know "how" He saves; but He does.

flickr: Friday Photo Group