Somebody's Gonna Pay

Let's just suppose--really...just suppose:

Scenario Number One
Suppose I enter a contest and just suppose the contest is to see how much water a person can drink without going to the bathroom. And let's just suppose that I sign a waiver stating that I won't hold the sponsoring radio station responsible should something go awry (this would be a "red flag" to me--COULD something happen to me from just drinking water? Maybe I should check this out...hmmm) Anyway, continuing to suppose, while drinking over two gallons of water during the contest and my head begins to hurt, and I begin to feel "ill"-- I CONTINUE to drink water, eventually winning the second place prize of tickets to a "Justin Timberlake" concert. ( I was hoping to win the Wii game console, but this is a pretty good prize too--NOTE: heavy sarcasm implied) And now, just suppose that I die that afternoon from "water intoxication", according to the coroner's office.

Scenario Number Two (somewhat shorter)
Suppose I am a 15-year old girl that enjoys frequenting the website, MySpace, and suppose I am "lured to a meeting, drugged and assaulted in 2006 by an adult MySpace user."

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NOW, there are tons of questions I ask at this point regarding both of these scenarios, but the real question for me is based on the following:

Let's suppose in both scenarios, my family decides to sue for damages "in the millions of dollars" in the MySpace case; as far as the water intoxication death, they plan to file a wrongful death lawsuit against the radio station.

Here's the question: Where in the heck did my family find a lawyer THAT STUPID/GREEDY to take the case??!!!